My room smells like vodka and shame
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i drank out of a bidet.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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