on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's official drugs can't kill me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
