Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
