These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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