Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
