I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
