When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
