its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
