I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
