I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
