she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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