man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
