exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize