I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
