Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
