Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
