Jerry, you need to find god
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
