I'm so fucking centered right now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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