I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
