Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
