all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
