You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
