A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
