Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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