You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
