I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
