tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
COCAINE IS GR8
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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