listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
