I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
