She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We have so much sex to catch up on
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
