I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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