his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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