when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize