My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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