He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
