New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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