trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
