Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
