There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
