I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
