Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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