just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
