Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
