dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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