oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
