I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
