i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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