I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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