so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she looked like the before picture.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
