My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
