Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize