just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
