I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
