I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
