garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
