I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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