you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
