just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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