If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
