Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
