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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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