you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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